Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
