The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
