You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
