I am puke
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
