what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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