i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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