I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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