Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
