Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
