He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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