Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
