I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
