The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
