uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So. Much. Porn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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