thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
