did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
