I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize