I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
