Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize