Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
