The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
