So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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