I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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