Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
