Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize