There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
