Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
