Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like a drive thru vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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