Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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