I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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