they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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