she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
