She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize