Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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