He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize