Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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