i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
