Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
