Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
