It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Bring me that man meat
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize