I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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