i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
