i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
