Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
only you would photoshop your dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
