If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
