Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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