You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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