No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
