Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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