it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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