The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
