i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
