it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
