lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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