If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
