yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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