I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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