apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize