Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who died my cat blue again?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
