He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
