He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
