But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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