Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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