I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
