I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
