He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
