just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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