shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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