Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
