The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
