Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
