well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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