12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
