oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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