ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize