they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
