So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
