Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
