are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize