When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
