bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize