He kissed a someone with a penis
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All the doctor said was why
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
