All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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