i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
