She said her name was "party"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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