Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
