sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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