Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So squirting runs in the family.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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