guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
