haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
